Skip to main content

Memoirs of SkinTown

Recently I saw a tweet from a news account about how the wife of the governor of CrossRiver state complained bitterly about the number of people living with HIV/AIDS and it made me remember a few things.

Calabar is a beautiful town. If you've ever been to that part of the country, you'll understand what I'm talking about. Its also usually wet. It rains a whole freaking lot. Its peaceful, serene, calm, tranquil.....<insert other synonyms>. Unfortunately, that's not what I'm getting at.

It's also a crazy town. The people there (at least most of the ones I met) are amazingly horny and for some reason "skin-diving" is supposedly more manly.

My friends and I used to hangout at this bar every evening, have a few beers and joke around. Sometimes we were accompanied by girls which we usually have intentions to "cancel" *clears throat*. Now I had my eye on the waitress at the bar (there was only one waitress) and my buddy liked the owner of the bar. Both of them were sexy and we were fresh in town and badly wanted to confirm if the stories we heard about this amazing town were true.

However, a lot of the time, things don't work out the way we want them to. It turned out the owner of the bar had her eye on me and the the waitress......well.....had her eye.....elsewhere. Yes. Life can be a female dog.
So she started to put the moves on me, I drank many free bottles of Heineken and she always insisted on walking me home. The first night she did that, she kissed me. Yes. She initiated it. And what did I do? You know nah........

Fast forward to her birthday. Twas on a cold tuesday exactly a week to my own birthday. I know it rains a lot in Calabar but the rain couldve skipped that day. Maybe that's what added to her "konjition". Who knows? She decided 2 have small birthday groove with beer, liquor and suya and boy was she wasted!!! Get this, she literally begged me to go home with her that night and I wasn't even in the mood that night but peer pressure is another female dog.

So this friend of mine (who schools there and so was an "old dog" in town) took me to a shop where I could get a few prophylactics and I finally succumbed. She had some funny looking Chinese noodles and she insisted had some. Imagine the myriad of thoughts that were in my head at the time about the food.

After we were done with food, she just stripped immediately and got under the covers and in my mind, i was like "err straight to it huh?"
Next thing I'm under the covers with her (till today, I don't remember how I got under there) and we started making out. She unzips me and pulls out my stiffy.
Excitement was an understatement. It was gonna be my first "lay" in the town. I felt like I was gonna pull out the Excalibur like King Arthur or maybe pull off a Neil Armstrong.

So we were both heated up and then I reached in my wallet and pulled out the rubber. Before I could tear it out, she snatched it from me and flung it away.

"Why did you do that" I asked.
"What do you need it for"
"I'll assume that's a rhetorical question"
"You dont need it", she said.
"Why"
"It has expired"
I was dumbfounded but my lips still moved.
"Are u kidding me, u ddnt even look at the thing. How do you kno it has expired?", I asked.
"I just know it has expired nah. You don't need it now. I want to feel the real thing. It won't be sweet like that nah. Aren't u a man?"

Wow. I didn't feel like I was being punkd. Instead, i felt like I was on the set of a Nollywood movie. I'm sure I missed the memo where it was expressly stated that the proof of your masculinity is unprotected sex.

"I'm gonna use it or we'll just sleep like that.", I maintained.
"Please now, you don't need it. don't you know you will enjoy it better?"

At this point, I was already irritated and Big John had gone back to sleep already. I started to dress up and she started begging still insisting d rubber was unnecessary. Then she noticed that Uncle John was asleep and then she went down on and try to "kiss" him back up. I didn't even let her.

Next thing I heard was "oya let's use it like that" with a very dismissive undertone in her voice. I was tired of the hassle and I just wanted to let "sleeping dogs" lie.

People, I have never been begged like that before.

 "If my boyfriend was around, I won't be disturbing u like this o. He's not around and its been a long time."

If you've seen the episode of the Big Friday Show where they tried to prank D'prince, then you'll understand exactly how I responded. My lips were completely sealed. I walked out of there without thinking twice about it.

Well, we had a repeat of the episode only this time, her resistance to the rubber was minimal and we finally "amalgamated".

If this has ever happened to you. You will understand exactly what I went through.

To end my little story, if ure a guy, the next time you want to show a woman how "manly" you are; or as a girl if you insist a man should do the same, you first have to rob a bank. When you have that Rockafella kind of money, then you can be sure ure gonna be fine. Your name will be in books of history, even in the sands of time as the new Magic Johnson.
And if something goes wrong with this masterplan, well, tell Tupac his hologram was awesome.
pCe!


Comments

  1. hahahaha...Juke... hope say no be that bar near that etisalat shop?? because if it is...youre finished. or na Apples? lmfao. prosT like you...cc@chybozz

    ReplyDelete
  2. Juke didn't mention this to me o. Juke!!! Oya o. Talk ur own.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahahaha juke, u did all dis whiLe in calabar

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Eyes Closed

It's 8 pm. I have been thinking about you. All day. 
Darkness is my partner. The sounds of generators working hard in various locations keep my company. I close my eyes to rest but pictures of you flash through my mind. 
I can feel myself in your arms. Your scent lingers on my nose. Your lips brushing mine as you tease me instead of kissing me. Your hands make their way all over my bosom but meet with the hardness of my bra. 
You're not deterred. You rip my buttons and make your way hungrily through my brassiere. I hear the clinking of the buttons as they litter the floor
Naughty boy. You couldn't care less.
I lie there moaning, tossing and turning like there was a snake in my loins. It pleases you. You whisper in my ear, asking if I love you.
Fuck yes, you fool.
You want to please me the more. You tell me you want me to scream till the neighbours hear. You want them to know you're the man. You put your hands in my loins and rub. Rub am, well well. Gently. Softly. Sweetly.
My …

Ms. Producer

We had been fucking for four months. Boyfriend, girlfriends or side peeps, we did not care. We did not pry in each other’s lives and we did not take things farther. I loved him and he said he loved me. Everything was normal and uncomplicated.
Then he had to leave and I became lonely.
We talked every day and practically every minute but I was still lonely. I needed him there but it seemed like he was never coming back.
Then I made a beautiful mistake.
I had made two friends.
A producer and his joint.
We smoked up and cooled down.
Then we took our clothes off in ecstasy and committed a sin against my lover.
We made love and we climaxed. I had never climaxed.
Probably because things were different with the producer.
It was passionate, unlike what I had had with my lover.
My lover dominated me while the producer united with me.
Our mutual friend had enlightened us. He told us that we needn’t worry or care about the circumstances that held us apart. He told us to leave our inhi…

12 years

If I remember clearly, I was about 13, 14 when you first called me. I was in JSS 3 and you were in your second year in university.
You had asked my girlfriend and classmate to give you one of her friends and because she told you I had the biggest boobs, I was your choice. Idiot. LOL.
Our 10-year age difference made you so appealing to me. You were mature and seemed to have a firm grip of everything in your life. When you didn’t, you would simply roll a blunt and say “man cannot kill himself”. LOL.
You were so cool and hot, even though I had no picture of you. Luckily for me I had a Nokia phone back then so communication was easy. Text messages and calls were all we had back then and the fad between opposites sexes was flirting and sexting.
You’re probably the reason I enjoy writing and reading literotica today.
I remember how after we passed the introduction stage, you asked that we play a game called imagine where we would conjure “sexy” scenes and let them play out in our heads….