Skip to main content

#BirthdayRant: When it’s your birthday and you can’t sleep…

Sorry to disappoint you... this is not another sensual story.
It's the morning of my birthday and things aren't quite what they were (about) 2 years ago.
1.12 am and the only messages I've gotten are from GT Bank and First Bank. Well, Twitter was nice enough to put up balloons.
So much for being a birthday girl.
I guess all my friends are tired 'cause I didn't feel this deserted some years ago.
Too early to say yeah? 
The usual birthday programme went this way:
- The lover always called first; called to sing me a song, talk me through the early hours, pray for or with me... Basically, just be there. But as we don't have Bae in 2016, Jesus has taken the wheel. 
Oluwa gba ko so. (Lord take control).
- The main calls troop in between 6 am and 3 pm. Phone is everly ringing like a business centre in 2002. From uncles to unwanted suitors. Hopefully, they'll call us this year and 0956 will not block the call because mobile marketing.
Aside: First human birthday message just came in.
Moving on.
- Mummy and Daddy prayers. MFM mode activated.
Definitely need the prayers to revive everyone in the friend zone since 'friend' is now scarce. Maybe it's the economy.
- Then Jollof oh Jollof accompanied with Turkey and other delightful dishes! God bless my mother!

Gbogbo e gbogbo e (everything everything) balls down to how all of the excitement about things and days like birthdays tone down as you get older... Well, in my case. 
Awon runs girls mi L'Eko At'Abuja mo what's up (Runs girls in Lagos and Abuja don't have to go through this).
Anyhow anyhow... Happy birthday to me.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Eyes Closed

It's 8 pm. I have been thinking about you. All day. 
Darkness is my partner. The sounds of generators working hard in various locations keep my company. I close my eyes to rest but pictures of you flash through my mind. 
I can feel myself in your arms. Your scent lingers on my nose. Your lips brushing mine as you tease me instead of kissing me. Your hands make their way all over my bosom but meet with the hardness of my bra. 
You're not deterred. You rip my buttons and make your way hungrily through my brassiere. I hear the clinking of the buttons as they litter the floor
Naughty boy. You couldn't care less.
I lie there moaning, tossing and turning like there was a snake in my loins. It pleases you. You whisper in my ear, asking if I love you.
Fuck yes, you fool.
You want to please me the more. You tell me you want me to scream till the neighbours hear. You want them to know you're the man. You put your hands in my loins and rub. Rub am, well well. Gently. Softly. Sweetly.
My …

Ms. Producer

We had been fucking for four months. Boyfriend, girlfriends or side peeps, we did not care. We did not pry in each other’s lives and we did not take things farther. I loved him and he said he loved me. Everything was normal and uncomplicated.
Then he had to leave and I became lonely.
We talked every day and practically every minute but I was still lonely. I needed him there but it seemed like he was never coming back.
Then I made a beautiful mistake.
I had made two friends.
A producer and his joint.
We smoked up and cooled down.
Then we took our clothes off in ecstasy and committed a sin against my lover.
We made love and we climaxed. I had never climaxed.
Probably because things were different with the producer.
It was passionate, unlike what I had had with my lover.
My lover dominated me while the producer united with me.
Our mutual friend had enlightened us. He told us that we needn’t worry or care about the circumstances that held us apart. He told us to leave our inhi…

12 years

If I remember clearly, I was about 13, 14 when you first called me. I was in JSS 3 and you were in your second year in university.
You had asked my girlfriend and classmate to give you one of her friends and because she told you I had the biggest boobs, I was your choice. Idiot. LOL.
Our 10-year age difference made you so appealing to me. You were mature and seemed to have a firm grip of everything in your life. When you didn’t, you would simply roll a blunt and say “man cannot kill himself”. LOL.
You were so cool and hot, even though I had no picture of you. Luckily for me I had a Nokia phone back then so communication was easy. Text messages and calls were all we had back then and the fad between opposites sexes was flirting and sexting.
You’re probably the reason I enjoy writing and reading literotica today.
I remember how after we passed the introduction stage, you asked that we play a game called imagine where we would conjure “sexy” scenes and let them play out in our heads….