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The Truth About Looney

Doping with bestie was nothing new to me. I knew she loved to smoke at night while we took a stroll around campus.
But one day was different. It was different because she wanted to smoke in the afternoon. She wanted us to seat and gist. We didn't go through our Puff-Puff-Pass routine. She puffed a few times and let me smoke the whole thing. She even let me keep the butt.
As I sat staring into space and laughing hysterically because I was incredibly buzzed and everything seemed funny, Bestie asked an unexpected question, "Who is Looney?" 
Now, I knew what she was up to. Maybe it was the weed, but my mind quickly raced through the events of the day; she had planned to get me high so I'll let the cat out of the bag.
I knew this day would come. 
I knew I couldn't tell her the truth.
Weed or no weed, I was going to lie to her. How could I tell her such a thing?
"Told you before now. He's my friend in Jand. We had a long distance relationship before I got into school. He's trying to get back with me."
We both knew I was lying. I didn't look at her face as I spoke. I kept drawing strokes on the sandy ground.
How could I tell my best friend that I was in love with her lover? That I had had sex with him?
It was the most complicated thing I had ever done in my life and I was very ashamed of it.
If you had asked me some months before, I'd have said this could never happen. 
What kind of betrayal is that? 
But you see, life can be hilarious because the devil is a fucking joker that loves to see us eat our words. 
Yes, it was the devil.
I saw how she looked at me. I knew she had read my messages and knew everything that was going on. Looney had called to tell me how she had called him to say she knew we were fucking and she was extremely disappointed. Yet she wanted to hear me say it. Admit that I was a terrible person. But the truth wasn't going to come out of my mouth. 
This mouth.
The one that taken all of Looney's cum the previous night and had screamed "fuck me harder" when my best friend wasn't around.
Please don't judge me.
It wasn't my fault. 
I was on my own when bestie started to bring him around.
I remember the first time I met him. Weeks before bestie brought him to my room. 
I dropped by my friend's room and met Looney with a girl downing a pink bottle of Nuvo. They both were slightly drunk and after a while they began touching and kissing. I was disgusted at their lack of discretion so much that I left earlier than I had planned.
Oomph. Awon akebaje oshi.
2 weeks later, bestie told me she was coming around with someone special. I was eager to see who it was, so I stayed glued to my window, only to see Mr. Looney the Cassanova driving her into my block.
Eh? This boy again?!
When they got into my room, I said a mirthless 'Hi' and called Bestie to a corner.
"This dude has a girlfriend o. Lowkey. Don't get too serious."
"We're not serious like that joor."
"Ah ok o. Sha don't act like I told you anything."
Honestly, I was just looking out for her. I had no feelings whatsoever for this idiot. I just wanted my girl to be safe and not fall for someone who would use and dump her.
Weeks went by and Mr. Looney and Bestie grew closer. Gradually, bestie kept saying positive things about him and so I had no choice but to like him. 
I recall a particular night when they came over to my room. The three of us were talking about something funny when NEPA took the light. About 7 minutes later, I started to hear them making out - the sound of saliva wetted locked lips, moans as a result of masculine hands in the right places... I thought it weird staying and listening to people making out. I got up and decided to take a stroll, maybe get chicken and chips on my way back.
As I strolled the length of campus, I asked myself when I would find a man that I could be so open with. I was just recovering from an intense break-up that had messed up my mind and I wasn't about to jump into another. 
I wanted something true, pure, real and longlasting, not one that would leave my crying for months and give me nightmares.
My thoughts were cut short by bestie's call. They were done and she wanted to hand me over the key.
More weeks went by and Bestie and Mr. Looney were official and I was the constant third party, thanks to my Dear friend.
When she was out of credit, she would call and send him text messages with my phone. When she left a missed call with my phone, he would call back and would leave a message for her because we didn't live together.
This arrangement was a little awkward for me but I was a down to earth person and I was honest hence I shook off hesitant feelings after a while.
Then one day, something unusual happened. 
Mr. Looney came over to see bestie, but lowkey, bestie had to see another guy that was on her case.
Guess who Bestie asked to keep Mr. Loomey's company?
Of course it was me. 
"Please help me keep his company. I won't be long, I promise."
Did I forget to mention that Bestie was a bad-ass two-timer sorry multiple-timer?
She had about 3 other boyfriends minus a long list of toasters and magas.
But what's my own?
Bestie was hot, young, fine girl with a massive ass and a lovely face. Who was I to spoil the market?
Back to keeping Mr. Loomey's company...
I had to deal with about 30 minutes of uncomfortable silence with Mr. Looney. We sat in his car and listened to the radio while we waited for Aunty Bestie. We talked and laughed briefly about absolutely random things a couple of times but we didn't dwell on any topic.
Then he asked the weirdest question:
"Do you think I have a chance with your friend?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. She seems like she's got a lot on her plate and I want to know if I'm wasting my time. Honestly, do you think I should ex it?
See me see trouble!
Wetin consine me for una matter???
I'm not one to lie so I said, "if you don't think this will work, just move on."
I figured my answer was diplomatic enough. 
He said ok and we went back to being random.
The following Sunday, another unusual thing happened.
Mr. Looney called me to ask where I was. It was about 10 a.m and I was still on my bed and didn't plan on going to church so I told him I was home."
Then he asked, "Are you alone?"
"Err yes"
"Ok. I'm coming."
I figured he was coming with Bestie so I didn't bother to call her to be sure.
He came right when I was about to have my shower, when all I had on was my short bulky towel that wouldn't wrap round me properly.
"Errm Hi. Can you give me a minute? Need to take my bath."
The fact that he was my friend's guy made me feel uneasy so I begged him to please stand outside after I had bathed so I could dress up.
When I was done, I let him in and he sat on the only chair in my room.
"This one that you came alone today, is everything ok?"
"I was on my way to church then I changed my mind and I thought I should come chill at yours. Got a lot on my mind and didn't want to stay myself."
"Wow. A whole me? Why didn't you call Aunty?"
"She pissed me off."
"What happened?"
"She was..."
Right then, live and direct, Bestie called me.
"Babes, how far?"
"I'm not sleeping over at yours today again jore. Mumc asked me to help her do somethings. I'll see you in class tomorrow morning. Please don't forget the photocopies I asked you to bring for me."
"Ok. Uncle is even here."
Mr. Looney began to gesticulate, shaking his right hand under his chin to mean "no, don't tell her I'm here".
"Who is Uncle?"
"I'll tell you later jore."
"Hmmm. You this naughty girl. Ok o."
She laughed and dropped the phone.
That was how it started.
That was the first lie that launched the movie I got myself into.
"Why did you ask me not to tell her you are here?"
"I don't want to speak to her now. I'll call her myself."
Football was on and he watched a little. I'm not a fan of football so while he watched, I picked up shirts to iron for the week.
As I ironed one of my corporate shirts, he asked me to pause and looked at the label of the shirt.
"Hmm. Hawes and Curtis."
"What's the big deal?"
"Premium quality. Statement cloths. Says a lot about you."
"Thank you." I smiled.
We got talking about a lot of things that day. We spoke about my past. We spoke about my ex, about how he had made so hateful of relationships, how he had made me cry. 
Looney was nicer than I thought. There was "guidance counsellor" thing about him that made it so easy for me to tell him anything.
At the end of that day, I felt like I had just made a very good friend.
I never told my friend about that Sunday and other days that Looney came by to keep my company. They still spoke and all but there were just more missed calls and I had more messages to pass across.
One day I asked Bestie because I was curious, "have you guys had sex?"
She said "no".
I knew she was lying. She lied a lot about the men she had slept with. Well, maybe because she didn't want me to figure out her body count but isn't there a rule that says you shouldn't lie to your bestie?
Anyway, Looney and I began texting. 
We began from "Hey. How did your day go?" then moved to "What you doing at the moment?"
The fact that we were sneaking around as friends made it more interesting. I was bored and looking for a getaway so it was all games to me.
But there was one problem.
Mr. Looney was developing the wrong feelings.
He called me to tell me this one particular evening.
"Can we see this evening? I have to discuss something really important with you."
"Is everything ok?
"Everything is fine. This evening?"
We planned to meet at a closed parking lot where no one would see us.
That evening was very somehow. Mr. Looney took about 40 seconds to gather his thoughts before opening his mouth.
"What I'm about to say may scare you but it's just what it is."
"I have been trying to hide behind this shade of friendship but it's not working. I like you very much and it's difficult to have to keep acting normal with you."
I was going to talk but he caught me off.
"Please don't say anything. Let me finish. I will be traveling to Abuja for a year but I don't want this to affect us. I want you. I want an us. You're so real. This is crazy but it is what it is. I really wish your friend didn't have to be in this equation but that's the case and we have to deal with it somehow. Please tell me you won't run away from me after this."
"Errrrm... Wow. This was the last thing I expected to hear today. Ever. Errrm. I can't do this. You know how close Bestie and I are. This is too much."
"Take your time. Think about it. By the way, you should put a lock on your phone. She reads all of your messages."
I laughed and said Ok.
I was truly sad that my new friend was leaving for a whole year but I couldn't wrap my head around him "wanting" me.
Yes, gisting with him was fun and therapeutic but becoming his girl? Abi, that was what he was implying?
Anyway, he traveled as he had said and communication between him and Bestie reduced drastically. He was talking to me more often and would send me pictures of what he looked like in the day.
3 days never went by without him reminding me that he wanted me.
"I gatchu", he would always say. Everyday.
This went on for 4 months.
By this time, he had become my rock; the one that I spoke to about everything, that told me what to do when I was confused, about school, family issues, and even Bestie issues. We had even begun sexting and discussing sex and how we 'liked it'.
In the fifth month, he called to tell me he was coming home for a week. That his Uncle died and he had to attend the funeral. 
I was ectastic!
Looney was coming home!
But in the evening when I was supposed to see him, things got complicated. Bestie  wanted to go home with me at that time but I couldn't let her.
I hadn't thought it through. What was I going to tell her?
"Errrm Babe, can you wait here for me? I left something in the room and I was supposed to give someone in the hostel this evening. Doesn't make sense if we both go together and I leave you alone in the room."
Gosh! I know how stupid that sounded but I needed to try at least.
She looked at me funny and said, "what are you up to you this girl? Say the truth."
"Isshhh. Ok ok ok. I want to see Tolu."
Tolu was the first guy I had sex with.
"You know, it's been a while."
She laughed so hard.
"Quickly go please. Why didn't you just tell me?"
I chuckled away and hurriedly walked towards my block.
Looney picked me up miles away, where Bestie couldn't see us.
We got to my room that night and we began to demonstrate all we had talked about in our raunchy text messages.
He liked to use toys, so he bought a pack of mini vibrators and cold lubes with a bottle of chocolate wine. 
The things we did in 15 minutes!
He was a fantastic kisser and had the longest dick I had ever seen.
He laid over me and put in his entire length and I felt pain, pleasure, joy and guilt at the same time.
How could something this good feel so wrong?
Minutes later, he dropped me off where he picked me up and kissed me intensely. I wasn't going to see him in another 7 months.
I walked towards Bestie with a serious face.
"Ashewo. See how she's glowing after doing rubbish", she laughed.
I smiled. The thought of what I just done flashed through my mind and stopped smiling.
The next day was when she asked who Looney was.


  1. i hope this story has a sequel? wonderful writeup Oyindamola

  2. it feels good to read this after a long time of abandoning "Hint"


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